Shake Your Money Maker

You don’t have to watch many nature shows before you learn that bees, when they find a good stash of nectar or a sweet spot for a new nest, do a little waggle dance to show their fellow colonists where to find it. If they think the new nest site is exceptionally suitable their dance becomes even more vigorous. But do all bees have the same ideas about what qualifies as prime real estate? How do the other bees know they can trust the one boogieing? What if the liberal bees in the hive are attracted to the idea of hearing every possible iteration of Dark Star and choose a spot on a particular eave where they can do so while occasionally overloading on the wafting aromas from hotboxing hippies in the driveway? Or maybe conservative bees dance a frenzied jig when they find a spot in the cigar scented ventilation duct of the Federalist Society within earshot of the gun club.

But this does seem unlikely. Perhaps culture wars are what separate us from the rest of the animal kingdom. But are the culture wars really representative of our culture? If they were, I suppose that would mean that somebody could win them, but the truth is that nobody would want to live in a “liberal” world and nobody would want to live in a “conservative” world. So that means the truth lies somewhere in between them, right? Well I’m not so sure about that either. I think the culture wars have oversimplified things.

All reputable news sources attempt to provide balanced coverage, which means they try to get views from people on multiple sides of every issue. Unfortunately, we usually think it’s a job well done if there are two views, one “conservative” and the other “liberal.” So Hannity has his Colmes and Paul Krugman has his David Brooks. It seems that the media reinforces the notion that our political landscape is all about conservative vs. liberal, Republican vs. Democrat.

I think the media gives us the false (and perhaps self-fulfilling) impression that our society is a political football field where one coach is a donkey and the other is an elephant. We either join a team and play by their rules or we sit and watch the game. There are two ways in which I think this bipolar simplification is wrong-headed.

First, I would argue that to a large degree there aren’t two poles, but one pole. An anarchist, a suicide bomber, and Ralph Nader would all agree that any apparent division between Democrat and Republican is insignificant. A growing number of apathetic voters would probably agree also. They see both parties as being part of the same system, a system with utterly misplaced values. Paramount among those values, predictably, is stability. Neither party has an interest in doing too much tinkering with the system that keeps them in power. It’s like trying to argue with Maradona and Pele that soccer is a dumb sport. Their mutual antipathy for each other will melt away into jubilant friendship as they deftly coordinate a prolonged session of kicking you in the shins. Democrats and Republicans have too many common interests to really be enemies. This is why real campaign finance reform won’t happen. And now that America’s most insane common law rabbit trail has led us to a place where corporations, exercising their God-given rights as people, can fund political candidates to their heart’s content we are not likely to see many politicians elected who would want to change that.

Second, there are certain issues where it is obvious that the truth doesn’t lie in either camp or anywhere in between. For example, Democrats will expend enormous time and energy to make sure people have the right to “die with dignity.” Republicans will expend enormous time and energy to make sure that suicide is not condoned. But when I’m on my deathbed I guarantee you that my phone records will show no last minute calls to the DNC or the RNC for some help on the infinitely more important issue of what’s going to happen when the lights go out.

So when politicians take up their causes, important as they may be, we must recognize that they are partly wrong (there is truth on “both” sides) and that they may not even be addressing the most important issues. The truth does not necessarily lie on a continuum between two lies. Life is much more complicated than that, and so is our country.

So next time you watch Glenn Beck or Keith Olbermann shaking their beehinds (sorry, irresistible), pay attention because you are bound to learn something. But don’t be discouraged if you’re not ready to build a hive with either of them...or anywhere in between.