Nation’s Football Workers Head Back to the Fields

You run 16 routes and whaddya get? Another day older...

Labor day is a cruel joke for many of the nations football workers who find themselves returning to the fields each year at this time. The Seattle Seahawks are feeling particularly exploited this year as they have been singled out to report to work on September 3^rd (earlier than any of their peers) to do a job with the Green Bay Packers. Unlike the Packers however, Seattle had an unusually long work season last year.

Not an OSHA approved lift.

“As seasonal workers we have very little control over when and how long we work” reports long time runningbacker Marshawn Lynch. “Last year just seemed to go on and on.”

Multiple sources confirm that the Seahawks were forced to work well into February last year while many other football crews were released as early as December, raising concerns about discrimination and caprice among football management.

“It’s been really hard to plan any sort of vacation. Often you don’t know when you’ll get time off until the very day they let you go” says a veteran New England crew chief named Thomas Brady. Football workers like Brady and Lynch have limited job skills and it seems that certain powerful individuals have exploited this to dictate work hours and labor conditions. Brady reports that his friend Antonio Romo hasn’t even had Thanksgiving off since he started working in 2003.

Not good enough son.

A typical footballer can spend hours pushing back and forth over the same few acres of ground without a lot to show for his efforts. There are some who see this kind of labor as degrading, especially when compared with farmers or ranchers who generally own the land they work on and can dictate their own work hours. Especially frustrating is the micromanagement reported by many footballers. “There are men in black and white uniforms watching your every move,” reports Brady. “They are constantly blowing their whistles and telling us to start working or stop working or move somewhere else. It’s like they’re training dolphins or something, except that they never seem happy with our work and they rarely give us treats.”

Injuries are frequent and fights are common in the fields. Because of the stress of their jobs many footballers turn to drugs for comfort and to help them survive in a fiercely competitive work environment.

Roger Goodell, a privileged Senator’s son who seems to be pulling the strings in this industry, could not be reached for comment.

O Lord, how long shall I call for help, and you will not hear?

Money is also a concern for football workers. Goodell’s organization maintains strict control over how much money can be doled out to a football crew, yet negotiations over pay can be difficult and result in wildly divergent earnings between workers. Because of this, some have to work well into their thirties and are still expected to maintain the same grueling schedule. One elderly man, who only gave his name as Peyton, is still working in the football industry though he claims to be 38 years old. “It would be nice to retire but the bills just keep piling up. It’s hard to afford much more than a modest 4,000 square foot house. I probably should have been a doctor or a lawyer, but my dad was a football worker so it was really the only thing I knew.” For some, footballing appears to be a generational cycle that is hard to break out of.